The Piano has Been Thinking
The Piano Has Been Thinking is a musical episode of Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars. Characters *Sparks Nevada *Croach the Tracker *The Red Plains Rider *Cactoid Jim *Rebecca Rose Rushmore *Felton *The Saloon Doors *The Barkeep *Techs (J.K. Simmons) *Los Banditos Mutantes (Played by David Fury, Elin Hampton, Autumn Reeser, Emma Danoff, John DiMaggio, and Grant-Lee Phillips) *The Piano (John Hodgman) Songs All song titles taken from this WorkJuice blog post . '"I Don't Want No Trouble In My Place"' Performed by: The Barkeep and Felton Barkeep Oh I don't want no trouble in my place. I don't want no trouble in my place. I'm a law-abiding member of this here human race Barkeep/Felton And I / he don't want no trouble in my / his place. Felton An old lady walked in looking for directions (Barkeep: Sure did!) Sometimes old folks get lost in outer space (Barkeep: All the time!) You bounced her out despite her loud objections (Barkeep: Of course!) Barkeep/Felton Cause I / he don't want no trouble in my / his place. Barkeep A troop came in a'selling Girl Scout Cookies (Felton: Woo! Samoas!) They asked me if I wanted one to taste But the could have been a gang of Girl Scout Crookies (Felton: They coulda!) Barkeep/Felton And I / he don't want no trouble in my / his place. Barkeep Take it outside, I'm a peaceable man Don't want to be no witness to no rubble (Felton: No sir!) You've got a whole town square to spit and cuss and swear Or if you want a fracas or a tumble! (Felton: No thank you!) Felton The Friday poker game was ballyhooing (Barkeep: Yup!) When Piston Pete pulled out that extra Ace (Barkeep: He'll do that!) Barkeep I cashed their chips, I smelled a ruckus brewing Barkeep/Felton Cause I / he don't want no trouble in my / his place. Barkeep The Haley's comet gang it came a calling A gunning for for a town to lay to waste Felton You said "Take it too O'Toole's with all your brawling Barkeep Cause O'Toole he likes that trouble in his place! (Felton: I never understood that.) Barkeep/Felton I / he don't want no trouble in my / his place. I / he don't want no trouble in my / his place. Barkeep Look at this law-abiding, easy-riding, bona-fiding face (Felton: I'm looking!) Barkeep/Felton I / he don't want no trouble in my / his place. '“Haaaalp”' Performed by: Felton Hey Marshal! There's a singing and a marjun and an outlaw and a mutant and a cactoid and a swarm of killer bees Hey Marshal! There's a kitty and a sagebrush and a robot and an alien and my shadow and they're coming after me! Haaaalp! '“Cantinela Peligrosa”' Performed by: Los Banditos Mutantes Sparks Nevada! We are looking for you. Sparks Nevada! A coward's hiding you do We'll search through the town to put you under the ground If you're anywhere to be found Sparks Nevada! '"I'm Gonna Kill You Someday"' Performed by: Techs and Sparks Nevada Techs Where are you Nevada? I know you're out there, somewhere, but where? Sparks Nevada I'm here, right here Techs Where are you hiding hombre? Sparks Nevada I ain't hiding, no. I'm just laying low Both I'm gonna kill you someday! Techs Don't know when, my poor doomed friend. Sparks Nevada Your demise will not surprise me in any way. Techs I'm just the cuss to do it Sparks Nevada Don't bet on living through it. Both Yes I'm gonna kill you someday! Techs I'll rip you apart, I feel it in my heart so strong Sparks Nevada If killing you is right, then how could killing you be wrong? Both It can't be wrong! Techs Maybe June, some afternoon. Sparks Nevada Hmmm.. how's August? (Techs: Sure) September? (Techs: Yep!) Techs Or May! (Sparks: Okay.) Both Wherever you may go There's one thing you should know Sparks Nevada I'm gonna kill you Techs It'll give me such a thrill to Both I'm gonna kill you someday! Someday! Someday! '"Written in the Stars"' Performed by: The Red Plains Rider and Cactoid Jim Cactoid Jim One summer day a cowboy strayed way from his lonesome trail When by a stream he spied his dream, a cowgirl fair and pale The Red Plains Rider There in his eyes she heard the sighs of crying steel guitars Sweet music swelled, and then they fell Together Twas written in the stars Cactoid Jim The leaves turned brown and tumbled down when lo their paths did twine "Since summer's passed," The Red Plains Rider The cowboy asked, Cactoid Jim "Does your heart beat as mine?" The Red Plains Rider "Alas," Cactoid Jim Said She The Red Plains Rider There'll never be a love as true as ours Together So take my hand, for it was planned Twas written in the stars The Red Plains Rider Through hoary snow and wind did blow their hearts knew not the storm Hand in hand cross wintered land, twas true love kept them warm. Together In (surf and sea?) they lived and dreamed and wiled away the hours It wasn't chance or happenstance, twas written in the stars There by that stream where all is green there stands a tall oak tree They carved a heart into the bark for all eternity Fate sends a sign when Earth aligns wih Jupiter and Mars Beyond our mortal soul's control, it's written in the stars Our story ends, but fear not friends, romance forever flowers Young lovers eyes gaze to the skies, it's written in the stars It's written in the stars '"Poor Me (Pour Me Another)"' Performed by: Croach the Tracker, The Barkeep, and The Saloon Doors Croach My sorrows are what brought me here I will drown them in an ice-cold beer Chase it with a single tear Poor me, pour me another Barkeep Trouble won't leave me alone Botheration dogs my bones I guess I'll reap just what I've sewn Poor me, pour me another Barkeep and Croach Heaven help all these sad souls The bottle's their damnation But what is inside it soothes my woes So serve up some salvation Saloon Doors Imagine all the love he missed His lips are longing to be kissed But he don't know that I exist Poor me, pour me another Croach, Barkeep and Doors Poor me, pour me another Poor me, pour me another! '“Cantinela Peligrosa Numero Dos”' Performed by: Los Banditos Mutantes Sparks Nevada! Los Banditos are we Sparks Nevada! Come out where we can see We bring you (??) grande From the hand of Banditos Mutante With a twist of portion(??) picante Sparks Nevada! '“Getting Nowhere Fast”' Performed by: Sparks Nevada, Rebecca Rose Rushmore and Croach the Tracker Rebecca Take off your boots and stay awhile Sparks Shucks ma'am don't mind if I do Rebecca The way you say that makes me smile Sparks I look at you and see that's true That moon sure makes a pretty light Rebecca Hey keep your eyes on me Sparks I'm just remarking on the night Rebecca There's better things to see Sparks Why can't we just take it slow? Rebecca There's one place we gotta go Together So let's get nowhere fast Rebecca At last I've found my only one Sparks What could she be thinking of? Rebecca Never more the lonely one Sparks I'm in like and she's in love ....up in her eyes They're shining just for you Sparks But stars belong up in the skies Rebecca This guy hasn't got a clue Why won't he pick up the pace? Sparks Ugh we ain't going anyplace Together So let's get nowhere fast Rebecca The time is now, and here we are Croach Sparks you're needed at the bar. Sparks Great! Sparks and Rebecca So let's get nowhere fast Croach They're getting nowhere fast Sparks, Rebecca and Croach So let's get nowhere fast! 'Broadway Style Medley Reprise' Performed by:Sparks Nevada, Croach the Tracker, The Red Plains Rider, Cactoid Jim, Rebecca Rose Rushmore, Felton, The Saloon Doors, The Barkeep, Techs, Los Banditos Mutantes Techs Welcome all who gather here in this valley fair We come to celebrate the love and union of this pair The Red Plains Rider Cactoid, reckon that it's time to say these vows of ours Cactoid Jim Yee-haw let's swap 'em. Let no man stop 'em. It's written in the stars. Sparks Nevada Why can't we just take it slow? Rebecca There's one place we gotta go Saloon Doors Poor me, pour me another! Sparks & Rebecca Getting nowhere fast! The Red Plains Rider Jimmy will you cherish me and all that hokey stuff? Cactoid Jim I'll love you Red until I'm dead, or til you've had enough The Red Plains Rider I'll be your wife your whole danged life, no need to bring me flowers How you say "howdy" gets me rowdy, it's written in the stars Felton Hey Marshal! There's a singing and a robot and a Marjun and a bee Croach & Banditos Mutantes Sparks Nevada! Barkeep I don't want no trouble in my place! Croach & Banditos Mutantes Sparks Nevada! Felton Everybody started singing all at once as you can see Barkeep I don't want no trouble in my place! Felton Haaaaaalp! Techs By the power vested in me by the planet Mars I now pronounce you Man and Wife, it's written in the stars Sparks Nevada Wherever you may go There's one thing you should know I'm gonna kill you someday Rebecca Why won't he pick up the pace? Getting nowhere fast Los Banditos Mutantes Sparks Nevada! Sparks Nevada! Felton There's a cowboy and a lady and a Marjun Barkeep I don't want no trouble in my place! Croach & Saloon AI Poor me, Pour me another! Felton And a wedding and a robot and a Cactus Techs It's written in the stars! Croach, Saloon AI, Barkeep, Banditos Mutantes Sparks Nevada! Sparks Nevada! Sparks Nevada Felton I am scareder than my usual and it's (??) If this wedding (??) Marshal help! Sparks Nevada And I'm from Earth. '“Cantinela Peligrosa Numero Tres”' Performed by: Los Banditos Mutantes Los Banditos Mutantes Sparks Nevada! Time to beg for your life Sparks Nevada! We've six guns and a kinife We'll shoot you and stab off your head As to work we have sled(??) For we'll kill you until you are(??) dead (Sparks Nevada: Less singin', more shootin') Sparks Nevada! Sparks Nevada! Sparks Nevada! (Sparks Nevada: Good call on the shootin. Croach, that was good.) Sparks Nevada! You may have killed us this day Sparks Nevada! Some other pieper you'll pay You'll hear the toll of the bell That sounds your death knell We'll await for you in hell (Sparks Nevada: I'm not going to hell, so...) Sparks Nevada! Sparks Nevada! Sparks Nevada! '"Poor Me (Pour Me Another)"' Performed by: The Piano and The Saloon Doors The Piano My heart and soul went to those doors You guys sure showed her what for Can't trust you humans anymore Poor me, Pour me... The Saloon Doors True love finally came my way He didn't know the price he'd pay Set 'em up, I'm on my way Poor me, pour me another Poor me, pour me another Poor me, pour me another Category:Sparks Nevada episodes